Is this the backbone to my "laziness"?
I wanna be the genius I thought I was growing up.
From preschool until I graduated college, and even during my office days, there was always someone who’d call me a genius.
Those interactions obviously fed my ego and subconscious, and they’ve put me in tough spots where I was unprepared for things I should have been ready for.
Being called a genius didn’t incentivize me to “get ready” or “study,” because somehow it felt like all of that should come intrinsically to me, as talent.
I became quite avoidant of a lot of things because of it.
I feared failing so much that I didn’t even bother trying other things unless my circumstances forced me to.
I did sorta get over that in college by challenging myself to pass a class without going in... I failed. I was reading Buddhism-related texts during this time of my life and fell into a crisis.
But the fear still lingers, probably more now than ever, since I have a family to nurture and a job at the mercy of our AI overlords.
Of course, I have some obvious answers to my questions about the job market and stuff, but right now it just feels too difficult and uncertain to explore.
There is so much uncertainty, and it involves going back to school.
I mean, a practical service-type skill like cleaning aircons or installing wifi probably won’t die out that fast, right?
It’s probably not a genius-level solution, but maybe that’s because...
I’m not one.